Well, I'm pretty proud of us. It's 7:30 and we have already enjoyed family dinner, cleaned up the dishes, made tomorrow's sandwiches, given Alice a bath and story time, and put the sweet one to bed. This happens once in a blue moon, so I think it deserves a moment of celebration!
For the past couple of nights, Alice has stayed up well past bedtime, talking, laughing and playing in her crib. I can hear her chattering away while we sit in the living room reading or watching TV. It takes all the energy I have to keep myself from going in there, picking her up, and playing with her.
I've been pretty down lately. I really miss Alice and feel like there is too much going on in life. Work is more stressful than usual, and I feel like I spend a lot of time running from one thing to the next, with little or no time for myself. I'm not working out, barely keeping the house in order. I'm not getting enough time with my family.
Our sweet friend S over at Incessant Anonymity has talked about feeling like you can never quite get everything in balance. You manage to get healthy, nutritious dinners prepared, for example, but can't keep the clutter at bay. You finish your task list at work but forget to pick up dry cleaning four days in a row. You pay all the bills early but don't get your library books returned until a day too late.
It's exhausting, this running-a-household thing. And I clearly haven't figured out how to manage it. There are seasons in life, right? One of these days I'll find a way to spend my time with my family, make them healthy meals, have a rewarding career and take care of me, right?...
"But when she stepped off the train in New York, her plain little face looked beautiful for a moment, as if the future were opening before her and its glow were already upon her forehead, as if she were eager and proud and ready to meet it..."