There are plenty of topics for me to write about this evening - including our delicious trip to South Carolina to visit your gracious Aunt Kelsey and your father's and my latest efforts to manage the household finances. But all that I can think about is that tomorrow I return to work full-time. I will wake you up at 6 am, feed you, kiss you and head down to the office. I will have to say goodbye.
I've already broken down into tears twice this evening, just thinking about this change in our lives together. Since you've been born, I've rarely left your side. I haven't wanted to. Tonight, before this shift, I want you to know what thoughts are swirling around in my brain.
And yet, two hours after starting to put words to "paper," as it were, I still can't quite sum up what I want you to know about this experience, this process of preparing to go back to work life. All I can tell you is that I love you wholeheartedly. That I'm incredibly sad that I can't stay at home with you indefinitely. That going back to work is completely, entirely for you - not only so that we can afford your diapers, but also so you can see your mother engaged in a professional realm that doesn't involve my perfect little family. That I hope and pray you will one day have a gorgeous baby girl who will make you as happy and rich and fulfilled as you have made me. And that when that does comes, you will have more options than we have now - more maternity leave that means something, more possibilities with one income, more meaningful part-time work.
Baby girl, these first few months together have been nothing short of miraculous. I will remember this time as blissful - days spent walking the City together, admiring a gorgeous springtime, just you and me.
I love you, Alice! I'm already excited for our evening stroll together tomorrow night!
"But when she stepped off the train in New York, her plain little face looked beautiful for a moment, as if the future were opening before her and its glow were already upon her forehead, as if she were eager and proud and ready to meet it..."