Get Over It

Well, here we are again.

It's Sunday night.

The work week begins anew tomorrow. And I will spend the next five days rushing from one thing to another, dreaming of the weekend when I can take my time with my husband and my baby.

Since returning to work, the Sunday Night Blues have hit me hard. The weekends are full of time with Alice and Michael. Not of all it is perfect time, mind you - Alice can be super fussy and chores are not fun, no matter who I'm doing them with. But my days are defined by events with my family, not meetings or nannies or deadlines. I get to feed Alice, rather then spend hours connected to a machine pumping. I get to walk in Riverside Park with my husband, gossiping about work or friends or future plans (the endless debate about where to raise our family provides endless fodder for conversation). I take leisurely strolls through the farmers' market to buy seasonal veggies for our meals. I get to devote my time to myself and my family.

This is in sharp contrast to work weeks, when I feel like every second of my days are scheduled. I wake up at 6, rush to get Alice fed and dressed, me showered and presentable. I leave by 7:30 or 7:40, already later than I want to be. My days at work are often rushed these days, with meetings and pumping sessions and an endless list of tasks that need to get done. I try to leave by 4:30, though I'm almost always rushing out the door at 4:50, praying that I get to John & Anna's by 5:30 so that I don't make the nanny late for her night job. I feed Alice briefly and then pack her up so that we can get home by 6:45. I change Alice, feed her again and put her down for bed. Then I prepare lunch for the next day and cook dinner for Michael & me. Michael and I sit down at about 8 (on a good day) for dinner, and enjoy some time together. Then we do the dishes, I pump for the umpteenth time of the day, and then maybe we spend another 30 minutes together eating dessert and chatting before heading to bed.

I love my job. And I don't know that I would be happy at home all day every day. But Sunday nights highlight just what it is that I'm sacrificing by working. And sometimes it's just a little more than I can handle.