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Jo - 6 weeks old!

Revive?

Is it possible to come back to this blog after years without it?

Josephine joined us 6-weeks ago yesterday. Knowing she is (in all likelihood) our last baby has shifted my personal experience of the entire pregnancy and our first few weeks together. I'm more eager to get back to my body, reading, the things that make me feel like a real person, not just a mom. I'm more reluctant to speak ill of our experiences, since this is our third pregnancy, our third baby, and both stages have been incredibly kind to me. We have THREE healthy, beautiful, kind babies. Our newborn wakes up 1-2 times a night. She's so gentle.

Now, when I think about the future, I have a freedom that was unimaginable before. When we had Alice and Barrow, we didn't know whether we would leave NYC. I had to work full-time. We weren't sure if we were going to have another baby. But our lives are very different now. I have more flexibility with work than I have ever had. We don't live in NYC, and actually have the chance to explore a different kind of life. We have family help, and can lean on more community than before.

Also, it is almost New Year's, so of course I have a billion resolutions swimming around in my head. Pushing my kids to be more independent. Keeping track of our money better. Organizing my digital self. Limiting my digital self. Working out. Finding more time for myself. Getting out of the house more. Cut myself a break a whole lot more often. Etc. Etc. Etc.

What if I commit to do one thing every day in January? Is that even feasible? When I think about carving out time for myself, I worry about getting laundry done, about cleaning our apartment, about working. But I look on with admiration as Michael just declares what he will do to be alone. The other day, he woke up, came upstairs, and then got the paper and said he was having breakfast downstairs (which meant alone). Why don't I do this too?

And Josephine cries...

Quiet

Our First Overnight !

Lent

I have a million resolutions floating in my head this year. I like Lent because it offers a short timeframe with which to commit to some behavior change. Some ideas:

* Wake up before the kids so I can have some quiet time alone every day.

* Stop eating after the kids go to bed.

* GO TO THE GYM TWICE A WEEK.

* Turn off technology! No phone between 8 and 8.

* Only one screen at a time.

Things I Want to Do

Immediately. Because the children are resting.
- Cook up a veggie chili recipe to freeze for another night.
- Start the laundry.
- Clean the playroom.
- Take the rugs out into the hallway and clean 'em.

So. Much. Cleaning.

Barrow's First Selfie

Snow Day

Spent a great day with the kids! Well, great after about 11 am... Cooked dinner with Alice using the slow cooker, played with Snap Circuits, played in the snow in Central Park, and relaxed in the playroom.

Snow Day Outing

Alice

'I always wanted a mamma just like you.'

Friendship & Love

Dear Barrow & Alice,

Oh, life is SO GOOD. In the past couple of months, you've both become friends. It's been such a treat to watch you two play together, inseparable and loving. You spend all day, every day together, and seem to generally enjoy one another's company. 

Tonight, during bath time, I was running around the apartment getting things put away while you two played in the tub. All of the sudden, I heard you both laughing. Hysterically. I came into the bathroom to find Alice peering through a hole in one of your bath toys.Alice would give a hearty laugh, and almost instantly Barrow would die himself. 

A couple of weeks ago, your Dad and I were doing the dishes in the kitchen and left the two of you to your own devices in the living room. We heard screams and cheers, so we came in to find Alice jumping off the arms of the couch, doing a full launch directly over Barrow. Both were in hog heaven.

At this age, Barrow, you don't have any words but love to chat. Your current obsession is playing with silverware. You took your first step on October 29th, but didn't really start walking comfortably until the last couple of weeks. You are doing things on your own timeline. You have LOTS of emotions, but nothing beats your smile. One sided dimple, big blue eyes, bumpy teeth. Your favorite book is about monsters, and you are kinda interested in trucks and trains. Mostly you love pacing the apartment, following your sister wherever she is. You are still taking two naps a day and your favorite food is banana (and sweet potato, and blueberries, and raisins...). You also love dancing on our bed in the morning with Alice while I get dressed for work.

Alice, you LOVE being a big sister. You enjoy learning time with Angii every morning, practicing new words every day. Your vocabulary is growing exponentially. One night this week, during a chat at dinner, you told dad, "Well, Dad, like you said..." and your daddy and I both looked at each other and knew we were in trouble. You love to pretend to be different things -- a ballerina, a bride, a doctor -- and always 'for fourteen days.' Your favorite movie is Frozen. You've been asking me, "Mommy, do you love me?" You and your daddy just finished reading, 'Charlotte's Web,' which he read to you chapter by chapter over the course of 3 weeks. 

We love you both SO MUCH. This is joy.

We love you more than anything ever.

Mommy

Sleepover!!

Mr. Giggles

Today

Morning View

It's Starting...

Happy 2014!

Pictures from our night in Hollywood, ringing in the New Year while also trying to nurse a sick baby back to good health...

10:30 PM

10:45 PM

11:00 PM

Minutes before spending nearly an hour rocking Barrow to get him to bed.

I have been feeling particularly hopeful about the New Year --- even numbered years are always big for our family (2002 graduated college, 2006 got married, 2008 graduated from our higher ed programs, 2010 had Alice, 2012 had Barrow, etc. etc.). So I have been excited to see 2013 draw to a close.

But, Barrow's illness tapped into some superstitious part of me that feels like 2014 is going to be a struggle, since it started with such a terrible night of sleeping/comforting a feverish, congested, miserable little one. Isn't that ridiculous?!

So we're shaking it off!!! Last year was a good one, marked mostly by consistency. Michael has one major transition with his new job, but otherwise we simply grew up -- Barrow and Alice got bigger, I stayed at the same job, we reaffirmed our appreciation for our apartment. If 2014 is more of the same, we'll be terribly blessed. If it includes one or two transitions, that could be fun too.

Happy New Year!

Santa!

FUN

Work

1-Year Old Barrow

Birthday Boy

Dear Barrow,

Happy first birthday, my sweet love! It's hard to believe that just a year ago your daddy and I were on our way to the hospital, debating whether you would be born on the 16th or 17th (naturally you arrived within minutes of getting to the hospital, joining us on the 16th with time to spare). And now, here it is, November 2013 and we have a 1-year old on our hands!

You are such a joy, Bear! You laugh easily and often, showing off your dimple and beautiful blue eyes. You squint with your nose when you really want to show how happy you are, and throw your body up and down. You love giving high 5s, playing peekaboo, and food. Your sister is your favorite person in the whole universe. She dotes on you endlessly, holding your hand as we walk, bringing you toys to stop you from crying, and huging you as hard and frequently as we let her.

You sleep twice a day, for about two hours in the morning and three in the afternoon. You love being held by your mamma, and laugh joyfully whenever your dad gives you kisses with his beard. You are fairly consistently sleeping through the night, and when you wake up it takes a while to settle back to sleep. You took your first steps a couple of weeks ago, but still prefer to hold on and cruise around the apartment rather than risk falling down. But you can't wait to run.

You don't yet have any words, though I'm fairly sure you make a "mmmmm" sound when you want to say "mamma." You have just started to discover the joys of reading (including 'Peek-a-Who?' and 'Global Babies'), and your soothie and lovie. After we eat dinner, before bath, you and Alice play under the dinning room table while Dad and I clean up.

We are thrilled to get rid of your bottles and expensive formula, and just feed you what we eat. We call you Bear, and Bear-Bear. Alice calls you Cheeky.

We love you so, so much, sweet Bear. You bring such balance to our home. Your charming blue eyes, gorgeous dimple, and endearingly bright smile add a lightness to our family, and we're so grateful for it.

I love you, your sister and your daddy more than anything ever.

LOVE,
Mamma

Bedtime

Tonight, I was stroking Alice's hair, arms and chest as she lay in bed -- the last step in our bedtime routine. Just as I was about to leave, she asked if I would continue for one more minute. 

A: "Mom, will you rub my heart for one more minute?"

M: "Sure Goose."

A: "G'G lives there. In my heart. Because she died. I miss her."

M: "I miss her too."

A: "She was nice. Why did she die?"

M: "Well, her body was old and she was sicky."

A: "Wouldn't it be sad if Angie and Stephen died?"

M: "Yes. But Angie and Stephen are young and healthy and they probably won't die soon."

A: Seemingly happy with this. "When we get old and sicky, we are going to die."

M: "......"

A: "Remember how G'G got me my pink phone and keys? That was nice."

M: "I love you, Alice."

A: "I love you, Mommy."

This Year, Last Year

Ceiling

I'm laying on the floor in the apartment, listening to the kids make noise in their room while catching up on Momastery. I'm realizing how peaceful and grounding this is. And feeling a little silly for it. 

But peace and relative quiet is a rare blessing. And I'll take it in whatever form it comes. 

As if to prove my point, Barrow is now crying...

Songs

When Alice was a baby, she wanted me to sing "Goodnight sweetheart" on repeat.  

Barrow's favorite song is "The Itsy Bitsy Spider." Calms him down immediately. 

Quiet Cuddles

Fab

Things I Miss About Me

... so, as a follow-up to this "I like my kids" thing...

Here are some elements of my life that I hope I'll recover as the kids grow up:
* Quiet. I've been thinking a lot about this, as Michael and I debate whether or not to leave our apartment. It feels so loud where we live, right near a train. But, also, isn't life with young kids just inherently loud? I mean, Alice talks constantly. Barrow is laughing or crying a lot of the time. Their toys make SO MUCH NOISE. I'm looking forward to quiet, still mornings (if they ever exist again).

* Time for reflection. I found a journal of mine that I kept in my early 20s, where I wrote down quotes from books I had read, clips from magazines or newspapers, art. Flipping through those pages placed me back to my time in Greece in almost an instant. A time machine. I don't long for that stage in life, but I do hope one day there will be time for that level of commitment to inspiration, wherever it strikes.

* WORKING OUT. Nothing more to say about that, other than dear God I miss it.

* Romance. I miss that. Michael and I are really good CEOs of our household, and I couldn't ask for a better partner. I think we both long for more date nights, more time out with just the two of us, more time to talk about life beyond our apartment walls.

Some elements of life now for which I know I'll ache as they age:
* Alice insisting on closing the door for me every morning as I leave for work, yelling "LOVE YOU!" as I march down the stairs.

* Alice wanting to lay on the couch with me while I rub her hair and her back in the peace and quiet of the early morning.

* Barrow beaming when I go pick him up from his crib, thrilled to see me.

* Barrow, figuring out how one step goes in front of the other, how limbs work and why they are miraculous. Barrow being carefree and eager.

I Like My Kids

This week, I feel like I've been reminded just how much I actually like my kids. 

Since, during the work week, we're often dealing with them during their worst part of the day -- just before bed -- it can be easy to forget how much fun they can be. We're often just trying to shuttle them from the dinner table to bed, fighting the clock to make sure they are at least in their bedrooms before the epic meltdowns begin. But this week, we were together during other portions of the day -- our nanny called out sick on Tuesday, so I spent most of the day with them. We had a blast -- shopping for new clothes at Old Navy, buying Alice new shoes at our local kids shoe store, and spending the afternoon at the playground. And, Michael has been out of town at a conference for work since Wednesday, so it's just been our little trio since then. 

Both kids are really just lovely. Of course, they have their... challenging times. Alice has been mean to me from bathtime on every night this week. Barrow was up from 4 to 5:15 am crying relentlessly for no explicable reason ("I MISS MY DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"). But, overall, they are just very happy, sweet little people. 

Alice is so curious and funny. The other night, she was telling me how one girl in her old playgroup was "a little rude, you know?" (with eyebrows crunched together). And so she just didn't like hanging out with her, "because we don't act that way." Barrow is just a happy-go-lucky kid, easy to make smile and laugh. He figured out how to clap yesterday, and is just SO PROUD of himself. It's adorable and such a reflection of his personality - awestruck by it all. I love it.

So, that's the beautiful news from the week: I like my kids.

Sly Love

A & B

B Running After A

A & B